


one degree

by prolixic



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Soulmate AU, i love my babies i swear, im sorry, kai is cold, soobin is warm, stream nap of a star, why did i write this im depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19271332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prolixic/pseuds/prolixic
Summary: kai was freezing cold.





	one degree

Kai has felt warmth only once in his life.

As a child, there was a time where he’d been sprawled out in a sandbox, burnt out from sprinting around and chasing other kids on the playground, and then, for a moment, just a single minute, the sun’s radiation made contact with his skin. A single spark occurred at his fingertips, and surged throughout the rest of his frigid limbs, igniting a fire in him so sweltering, so hot, he thought he might combust. An overwhelming feeling, but at the same time—invigorating, gratifying.

However, one spark wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for Kai. It kept him afloat for several years, although just barely. He craved desperately to experience it again, to set his body and mind alight, even for a wee moment. He was tired of having to take pills and bulk himself up daily in order to maintain his body temperature.

At age sixteen, his condition would worsen. Doctor appointments became more frequent. His features grew ghastly, face pale and borderline lifeless. The boy now resembled his least favorite season and all the iciness associated with it. He was cold, dying, and any hope left in him was thinning fast.

Kai’s mother hated seeing her son suffer like this. Which is why she’d suggested they move away from their cold home in New York back to her home town and country, where hopefully he’d get to see the sun more often. There was one problem, though. His Korean was very broken and he hated being the new kid. Especially the new kid who looked like death incarnate.

Despite his many fears, Kai followed through with the move, heeding his mother’s supportive words. They got situated in the small town in the short span of a few months. The sun was more prominent here but sadly, he still couldn’t feel its heat. Staring mindlessly into the sky one day, he wore an empty smile, thinking to himself: _maybe seeing is enough._ Then, tightening his coat, he headed inside.

At school, his classmates would regularly taunt him behind his back in all sorts of ways—from nicknaming him “Snow White” (which he’d taken as a compliment), to treating him like some alien. But Kai paid no attention to these petty remarks. He ignored everyone for the most part. Though, sometimes he wished he had friends.  

Every day, Kai would return home from school and lounge on the bench in front of his house to stare at the sun (through sunglasses of course). He’d sit in silence for an hour, postponing homework and any other responsibilities awaiting inside. This became the boy’s daily ritual, and even though he failed to feel the sun’s heat physically, it emanated through him in imperceptible ways.

One brisk Tuesday morning, Kai was commuting to first period, his Korean language class—a class he cherished deeply, always the first person in his seat. But then a voice extracted him from his antsy thoughts.

“Hey kid,” an abrasive male voice called. “Let me see that book for a second?”

A tall boy marched up to him, appearing to be in a hurry. Kai paused in his tracks, but before he could process the boy’s request, his textbook was being reached for.

“Hey—“

Kai jumped upon feeling the boy’s fingers brush against his own. A spark travelled through his fingertips and in an instant, his insides were on fire. Completely lit up. However, this time the sensation was stronger than that moment on the playground. It diminished the moment from ten years prior to a level that compared to measly huddling in front of a furnace and rubbing one’s hands together for warmth. But this heat coursing through him now, it paralleled with an intensity as great as the sun.

The sudden contact rendered him speechless. He wasn’t sure why this was happening to him again after ten years. All he was sure of was that it felt good. Really good. And he wanted more.

As the heat dissipated, the tall boy’s expression soured. He scowled, as if just now realizing the shorter boy’s identity.

“You know what, never mind,” Tall boy said disappointedly, dusting his hands off on his jersey. “I’ll steal from someone else.”

Before Kai could formulate a reply, the boy whizzed past him, having sauntered off to find his next victim. Thankfully he had caught the boy’s name tag before he disappeared. This time, a boy by the name of Choi Soobin had ignited the spark within him. But why, he wished he could understand.

His mother once told him about a myth involving soulmates, where if you touched the hands of your soulmate, both parties will experience a burning sensation inside. The sad part being that either wouldn’t know they’re soulmates unless they spoke up about it. That was a myth though, right? A fairytale. A work of fantasy made up by bored, romantically inexperienced teenagers.

But Kai couldn’t help but wonder, in some alternate universe, had Soobin felt it too? Had Soobin felt the heat? By chance, did someone also tell him about this soulmate crap which is why he had reacted so frantically after their hands touched?

Shaking his head, he decided not to think any more of it. Maybe he was just hallucinating. When the cold restored within him, he felt even weaker than before.

 

* * *

 

The pills were now practically ineffective, obsolete, because even after taking five whole ones as compared to his usual one and a half, he didn’t feel any different. He was still the frail-boned, pale, foreign boy at which no one batted an eye.

Kai’s mother tried everything. From contacting multiple specialists to appointing with the most respected physicians in the area, she threw her money at many options. But, no matter what doctors prescribed him or what lifestyle he was advised to follow, nothing worked. Nothing could restore him to normalcy.

And so he began to lose touch with himself and the world around him. Life was beginning to feel unreal, and looking in the mirror, he saw a character rather than a real person. A character on his very last life.

Kai hadn’t run into Choi Soobin since last week when that second spark happened. But today, he finally spotted him in the halls, laughing and bidding goodbye to the basketball coach (of course he played basketball with that height). Out of curiosity, Kai decided to follow him out to the senior parking lot, stopping once the boy found his car.

He watched the boy awkwardly while playing with his fingers. He heard a car door shut, and looking up, Soobin’s eyes were now fixed on him. Blazing with intensity. Nearly burning a hole through him.

The elder crossed his arms, face contorted into bemusement. He clicked his teeth in disbelief.

“Are we stalking people now?” Soobin laughed. “Kinda creepy, man.”

“No, I wasn’t stalking you I um I was just—“

“Leaving, I hope,” Soobin finished for him. Kai blinked, caught off guard. “Don’t think we’re on speaking terms now just because I asked to borrow your book.”

Kai’s heart sank.

“S-Sorry,” he mumbled, bowing his head ashamedly.

Soobin stayed in his spot for a moment, a curious glint in his eyes, but it quickly faded into indifference toward the younger boy and he turned to get into his car.

Kai went home that night feeling even colder, practically shivering. This was undoubtedly the coldest winter he’d ever been in. Plodding through the living room, he hugged his arms to his chest, rubbing them up and down to create some sort of friction. Sadly, his efforts to build up heat were always unavailing. Defeated, Kai pushed his back up against the wall and slowly slid down onto the hard, tiled floor. A single tear escaped his eye.

“He’s so weak nowadays,” His mother’s concerned voice permeated through the room. He figured she’d been on the phone with her estranged husband, since he was the only one outside of this household that knew of his condition.

She was bawling now, “I’m scared. My god, I’m _so_ scared. I don’t want to lose my son. I don’t want to lose _our_ son.”

Kai cast his eyes downward and tried to keep the tears at bay. He hated hearing her like this, so desolate and desperate, all because of him. It left a deeper pain in him than this illness. Tightening the straps on his hoodie, he shut his eyes and drowned out the woman’s cries.

He needed to see Choi Soobin tomorrow, and maybe every day for the rest of his life.

 

* * *

 

A few times Kai would find Soobin in the halls of their school, skipping class to take a nap on a bench or bantering noisily with his rowdy friend group. One time a boy with silver hair had playfully climbed onto the tall boy’s back, to which he responded by giggling and telling him to get off.

It shouldn’t have made Kai jealous. It really shouldn’t have. But yet it did, because he wanted that sort of contact with him, and knew well it would never happen. Not in this universe, at least. Not in this universe where soulmates were such an outlandish concept and well, nonexistent.

This would give birth to a new part to his daily routine: casually following Choi Soobin around at the end of each day. In a non-stalkerish sort of way, of course. For a few weeks he’d abandon his previous ritual of staring at the sun after hours, and instead, he’d hang around wherever the elder would be.

But then Soobin found him. Kai was hiding in a closet, listening in on the older boy’s serious meeting with his history teacher about his slipping grade. The teacher had requested of Soobin to retrieve a fresh packet of printer paper located in his storage closet. And that’s how he found the kid, eyes the size of golf balls, ears squished up against the closet door to eavesdrop on their conversation.

Soobin flinched at the boy’s presence.

 _“Shit!”_ He lowered his voice when his teacher asked if everything was fine. “Yeah, just—this closet is really dirty.”

Soobin ruffled a hand through his fluffy hair, sighing. “Kid, what are you doing here?”

“I’m cold.”

“You’re cold so you’re hiding in a closet?” Kai nodded sheepishly. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I know it doesn’t make much sense—“

“Please stop,” The elder snapped. “Just stop everything.”

Kai fell silent.

The elder’s next words were a jumbled mess. “Look, I know you’re following me. I don’t know what your problem is but it’s not cool. Even my friends are starting to notice. They think you have a stupid celebrity crush on me.”

Kai still didn’t say anything. Soobin rolled his eyes as if to say _you’re unbelievable._

“Here.” He slipped out of his jacket and handed it to him. “You need it more than me.”

The shorter boy eyed him wondrously, fighting the urge to slide his hands in his and experience that spark for a third time. His breath fell short when the older male proceeded to reach over him and grab what he was there for, their bodies less than a centimeter apart. His heart thumped faster, and for that small second, he felt it. He felt the heat. But Soobin had shut the closet door before the flames could erupt inside of him.

The jacket in his hands was gray and practically two times his size. As he slipped into it, Soobin’s scent, a sweet aroma of maple wood and vanilla, wafted through the cramped air of the closet and filled his nostrils. It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket. Being enveloped in a warm, crushing hug.

Still, it wasn’t enough.

 

* * *

 

There was something about that soulmate story Kai didn’t quite understand. If your soulmate was in fact, your soulmate, shouldn’t you two fall for each other right on the spot? Right at the first touch? Wasn’t that how it worked? Kai admitted he felt something, but whether Choi Soobin felt it too would remain a mystery.

In the following weeks, they would accidentally make eye contact at times. Of course, Soobin immediately glanced away, but one day his eyes lingered on the younger, staring at him pitifully.

This winter was harsh. Too harsh. Kai was lucky if the sun so much as peaked out of the clouds on frigid days such as this. Luckily, today had been kinder to him. The sun was out, and it was bright and beautiful. It beamed down on the freezing boy, again giving him a false sense of security. That if he just lied here all afternoon, he’d be okay. He was okay. Smiling, Kai walked into his house.

He passed away on a lonesome Saturday morning. His mother sat across from his lifeless body on the hospital bed, mourning quietly. As much as she did for him, she regretted not doing more.

Then a boy silently entered the hospital room and took in the dismal scene. Kai’s mother spun around when she heard the sound of the door shutting. He offered her a weak smile and started toward the bed, wincing when he saw his body. God, this was all his fault. He wished he could go back in time and take back everything. Because now he had to live the rest of his life knowing he was the reason for this boy's untimely death.

The truth was, there had been a fire inside of him. He had felt it wholly, but the idea of soulmates always repulsed him and he refused to believe that the weird pale kid was his own. Frowning, Soobin intertwined his fingers in the boy’s cold hands, hoping to feel the heat for one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> *hides in a hole and sobs*


End file.
